"Old Folks" Read online

  Chapter 2

  As I sat in the office, I couldn’t help but notice all of the photos of Jim’s family. He was a tough security guard at the facility, and seemed so cold hearted. The residents would gossip, and talk of how he had no sense of emotion. I could see how someone who did not get the chance to know him could easily make this assumption. When you saw the photos in his office however, you could see a man who knew love. He had a wife, and three beautiful children, two boys, and one girl. They traveled quite a bit. Jim was the type of man who lived in the now. He would rather travel and enjoy life with his family, then have material possessions. As harsh as Jim could seem sometimes I had to admire this about him. He was strict, and did not bend on his enforcement on the rules at Shady Oaks. I knew this whole effort had to be in vain, but I could not live with myself if I didn’t even try. Jim and I had decided together that it was best if I did live with Margaret anymore. He knew as well as I that I was lowering her quality of life even more, and that Is not what she needed. She already had a hard enough time fighting this illness, and the added stress would only make it harder on her. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I knew it was best for her. As Jim entered the room, I felt my heart sink. I felt optimistic at least to the point that I had a chance to convince him until now. I had been telling myself I know the man Jim is, and not Jim the security guard would understand, and have to help me. As he entered the room I felt that optimism leave me quickly. Jim stood a tall 6 foot 2 inches tall, and had a stocky muscular frame. He was 42 years of age, and looked it right on the nose. He had some wrinkles that had just begun to settle in on his face. Working in this place must remind him of the age slowly creeping up on him. He had brown hair/eyes, and a bushy mustache that was very subtly gaining some gray. When he saw me he carried a stern look as though he already knew why I was here. As if we had this conversation before, and he already had his answer. As much as I liked Jim that look was enough to shake me a little. Jim sat across from me at his desk. He looked me directly in the eye without blinking, and said in his deep, crackling voce “What brings you in to see me tonight Walter”? There was a little genuine concern in his voice, but it was thickly blanketed in a stern, unwavering tone. I figured with Jim I better not beat around the Busch. He was the type of man that preferred if you got straight to the point even if he didn’t like the result. I told him straight out “Jim, I know what we have decided, and what we have done for my situation. But I recently things have changed. Margaret has been showing signs that she remembers who I am”. I expected Jim to respond in anger, or disappointment. He knew we had gone through many difficulties to make things work the way they had been. I didn’t feel he would give a response other than asking me to leave. Instead Jim gave a slight sigh, and said “You know I care for the two of you dearly. This is my job, but I do genuinely care deeply for the patients here, that includes you. The procedures we put in place, you and I, have been for the best for both of you, and have worked extremely well. I know how much you love her, but she was not safe when the two of you were allowed to be close. As much as I want you to be happy, I have to protect you. I talk to Margaret every day. If she even showed the slightest sign of remembering anything about you, I would remove our protocol in an instant, and allow you to be together. I assure you that in all the time I have spent with her she show me no sign of knowing who you are. I am sorry Walter, but I would need to see some extreme changes to make a change at this point, and I haven’t”. I understood his point, but he did not know everything I did. Maybe if he knew the signs I could convince him. At least he was showing a side of understanding, and this was more than I had expected to start with. “I have heard her singing our wedding song recently, she has not done this in the past” I pleaded. “I have also noticed she has started to eat meatloaf and pudding, and doing the crossword puzzles at dinner. I know these all seem like minor things, but they are all things that we did/ate together. She has to be remembering something. She just has to. This cannot all be coincidence”. Jim looked disappointed in me. I knew that he cared for me, but he did not seem to be on the same page as me. Jim took a deep breath, and said “I know these things may seem like signs of remembrance to you, but to me they are simple events that do not mean anything significant. The fact that they all happened the same night were general coincidence. Margaret hums that song every day when I see her. She may remember the tune, but she does not make any connection to the music. To her it is just a song. She also eats meatloaf, and pudding often. This may be the first time she has done it during dinner, but it not an uncommon meal for her. I have also seen her do crossword puzzles on a regular basis. She generally does them in the activity room, but for some reason she decided to bring it to dinner tonight. From my point of view these are mere coincidences that have no connection other than the fact that they happened on the same night. I am sorry my friend, but this is just not enough for me to remove all the procedures we have put in place”. This hurt for me to hear. I thought this was special, and that this was the only night she had done it. Still the night was unique none the less. “ You have to at least take notice to the fact that she did all of these things at dinner tonight when I would be there” . I replied. “She has not done this on any other night. There has to be something inside of her that remembers. She remembers the things we did together, so a part of her has to remember me. Is it possible for me to at least talk to her as a stranger, and see if she has any memory of me”? Jim looked sad for what he was about to say next. “Walter” he said softly “You and I both know that cannot happen. If she shows any true sign of remembering you I will break protocol in a heartbeat for you, but until then there is nothing we can do. The brain does not work the way you would hope. The fact that she remembers things you did together does not mean that she has any memory of you. The memories are spate in her mind. If one part is forgotten the other may stay. Unfortunately she needs to show that she remembers you before I can allow that to happen”. This stung to hear, but I had to keep trying. I had already gone this far into the conversation. “I know all of this, but what would it hurt for me to have a conversation with her”? I asked. “All I am asking for is a chance to speak to her, and see if she remembers anything about me. If she doesn’t she will forget, and there will be no harm. You have to at least let me try Jim, I know it’s risky, but there is no way I could live with myself if I didn’t take the chance, and had to always wonder, what if”? Jim sat up straight, and fixed his posture. It seemed as if to set the tone that he was still the ultimate decision on the matter. He looked into my eyes and said very sternly “I know you want her to remember you more than anything in the world, and it hurts me to tell you this, but this cannot happen. I am sorry Walter. Until I say otherwise things must stay as they are for both her well-being, and your own. This is my final decision on the matter. I have had a long day, and I need to head home. I hope you have a great night Walter, I will see you in the morning”. Just like that? How could he be so quick to decide? It didn’t affect him in anyway if he just let me talk to her. He had no Idea what this was like!!! How dare he!!!! “Please” I pleaded. “ let me speak to her, Even if it’s only to say hi. If she doesn’t remember I’ll walk away and never speak of this again. You have to at least give me that”. “I have told you my. Goodnight Walter”. Jim walked out of the office, and didn’t even give a second look back. I was so angry. I wanted to chase after him and force him to let me see her. I could not believe his stubbornness on the matter. If he was in my situation he would do the exact same thing. How could he be so cold hearted after knowing us all these years? I wanted to block him from leaving and force him to hear what I had to say. I had to restrain my urge to lunge at him. In my youth I may have been able to take him down, but in my old age he could probably restrain me with little effort. I had to stay calm. I had to keep my cool, and not let him see the anger burning deep inside me. If he noticed the slightest bit of my anger coming back to the surface, my plan would be sure to fail. I had pl
anned on this being the result. I knew as caring as Jim was the rules were important to him, and he governed this place in strict accordance with them. That is why I had my decided on a second course of action. I knew that tonight there was only one security guard working the east wing. Security breaches are not something that was expected in a retirement home. Security guards here, other than Jim, were a joke. They all played on their phones, and other electronics, or slept on the job. Though who could blame them? There wasn’t exactly mayhem running wild in Shady Oaks retirement home. This is why I knew tonight was the night. Jim had left early, and there was just one new security guard who was extremely lazy on duty. I knew I could get by him no problem. This was my night. I knew it was now or never. “Goodnight Jim “. I said very calmly. “Thank you for your time. I hope you have a wonderful night”.